On perfectionism and submitting work

When people ask me, what is your newsletter about, I shrug.

I’ve spent the last weeks since sending my first newsletter wondering what I’m going to write about. Some friends have said it’s probably important to know before diving in. But that isn’t my style. Sometimes, I get an idea and dive deep, forgetting to get diving gear, and figure it out as I go on. I like this way of being I think. I’m sometimes reminded to slow down and to consider things more, and I do think that’s sage advice. But I’m a Leo rising and moon. The fire is burning within me. And courage often comes when I turn off my brain and just move.

It’s been a while since I shared work-in-progress though. I mostly talk through my ever changing project ideas with those around me. And I’m not saying that’s going to change entirely, but I’d like to show more work-in-progress to dispel the myth that our writing has to be perfect before we can show it to others.

At this point, I’ve taught enough workshops, been on enough juries, read through enough submissions to know that a lot of us queer, trans, racialized, etc. people struggle with perfectionism, struggle to submit things when they aren’t “done”. Conversely, when I used to work at the (ex)-Puritan as a non-fiction editor, we got so many submissions by older white people about their travels, their opinions on everything and anything, their writing far from perfect, unique, or fresh. And this isn’t to shit on people for submitting! I think it’s great people want to share their work, whether or not it’s to my taste. But what I’m trying to say here is that some of us could stand to be less hard on ourselves, some us could relinquish our need for perfection. Racialized people in particular don’t submit!! I feel like it’s deceptive, you know. In the past few years, a lot of racialized people have been winning literary prizes. It makes it look like the racism problem of the lit world has been fixed! But prizes only recognize the work of one person. Prizes can look good when they give the award to a Black writer. But prizes and the like don’t actually make it more possible for Black writers to enter the lit world. Prizes have capitalized on representation without actually giving back to the communities striving to be represented. It really re-enforces the “there can only be one” mentality imo. I keep wondering what this looks like for other publishers and editors? Are your submissions also overwhelmingly white?

Back to works-in-progress, I used to test out a lot of my work at Kafein Open Mic Nights (RIP). It helped me become a better reader, helped me understand what was working in my poems and what wasn’t, it helped me test my audiences, and it was fun to read a poem that I wrote that morning! Because ultimately, people experienced the poem in the moment and then moved on. I didn’t need for it to be perfect. I needing it to be immediate. I’m hoping this newsletter can be a similar space for me. For testing out my voice. For figuring out what people like to read about. To receive feedback as I go. To be more free in sharing. I feel most creative when getting to explore. I’m also a bit of a restless writer and I feel most grounded when playing around with genre and form. This “blog” so to speak, might be all over the place for a little bit. But I hope you’ll follow me on my journey.

Some things I’m really enjoying this week to finish off:

- The sun is back and I feel so much more alive
- My new weekly dinner with friends
- Smoking weed — it’s nice to finally be able to smoke wow. Pain relief for chronic pain and help turning my brain off a bit? Perfect combo.
- Doechii’s album Alligator Bites Never Heal (yes I’m behind), especially the track Denial is a River. I don’t think I’ve been this excited about an artist/rapper/album since Tierra Whack’s Whack World (2018). I love the play!!

- I’ve also been enjoying this NTS 70s & 80s Mexican Disco, Boogie, and Italo Mix playlist. Felix and I went to a club in Mexico City called Patrick Miller with new friends, B, S, I, and J and honestly I haven’t enjoyed dancing that much since Detroit. The crowd was very inter-generational, didn’t care about being “cool”, and just really wanted to dance. It was italo-disco night, which partly revived my interest in the genre, but mostly, I wish we could go back. $8 entry at the door, only open on Fridays, a huge warehouse, circular dance “battles” throughout the space, people who have been going every Friday for decades, what else could a person want? If you’re interested, there’s a great VICE documentary about the club.

- Going back to pilates (being fun sore) after a couple months’ break
- Being visually creative and learning graphic design through my work at Metonymy (another place I have been a little more loose with sharing quickly, understanding that I’m learning so it can’t be perfect. Am I also supremely embarrassed to share visuals that I feel are not ready, because I have not learned enough to share something? Yes. But is that actually true? No, most people will look at it and forget about it minutes later. Ephemeral in a way. Let’s get back to creating a little bit more like that.

That’s it for now! I hope your February ends ok and that wherever you are, you aren’t being too oppressed by the cold.

xo,
Eli Tareq

P.S. If I’m going to end February with a single writer recommendation, I would recommend the innovative genuis, Wanda Coleman, over and over again.